Imaginary lovers never turn you down. (When all the others turn you away, they're around.)
That's what the Atlanta Rhythm Section says, anyway. (Without the parenthesis. I added the parenthesis.) (I do that occasionally.) And, apparently it's a philosophy that Alan O'Day wholeheartedly agrees with.
In 1977, Alan O'Day took his ode to making love to figments of his imagination, "Undercover Angel," all the way to #1 on the Billboard charts. It seems his song struck a chord with enough of the lonely record-buying public to outsell every other song in the land for at least one week.
Really, who among us hasn't dreamed of a fantasy woman demandingly shouting, "love me, love me, love me!"
Oddly enough, this wasn't the first time Alan O'Day had written a number one hit about a person with an imaginary lover. He wrote the song "Angie Baby," which Helen Reddy topped the charts with in 1974. It's about a crazy girl who dances with imaginary lovers in her bedroom at night, until one day when her creepy, peeping-tom neighbor comes over to rape her, but she somehow manages to shrink him down so small that he now lives in her radio. (No, I am not drunk, and no, I did not make up that last sentence.) You don't believe me? Here's Helen to tell you the story:
(Somehow this song goes to #1 in 1974, but that same year "Piano Man" peaks at #25. What exactly were they smoking in 1974?)
So, with two #1 hits about imaginary lovers under his belt (so to speak), the question becomes can Alan O'Day write a hit that doesn't tap into his lonely fantasies? Apparently not. Alan's follow up to "Undercover Angel" was a disturbing little song called "Started Out Dancing, Ended Up Making Love." The song includes these lovely lyrics:
"I can see her body
Pushing at her clothes
Dancing up a sweat now
And I wonder if she knows
That I want her so bad I'm in physical pain
My imagination taking over again
Started out dancing
Ended up making love
That's what I'm thinking of"
"Started Out Dancing, Ended Up Making Love" sputtered out at #73 on the charts, proving that there is a limit to the amount of deluded fantasies people are willing to put up with. (Unless Mr. Roarke and Tattoo are involved.)
After that, Alan O'Day never made it on the charts in the United States again, although he did have a minor hit in Australia with a song called "Skinny Girls." ("Skinny Girls" sounds like someone put "Short People," Dr. Dimento, and anorexia together in a blender and hit puree.)
But just because he didn't chart again, it doesn't mean his musical career was over. Alan O'Day would go on to co-write almost 100 songs for the television show Muppet Babies, including a song titled "Good Things Happen In the Dark," which, thankfully, does not include any verses about imaginary sexual partners.
VERDICT: Deservedly a one-hit wonder. (Although that's not saying he didn't imagine he had more hits, many of which he might have made love to.)
While I know it isn’t wise to pick a fight with an Irishman who is obsessed with his sexual fantasies—which pretty much includes all of Boston—I must take umbrage with the statement that imaginary lovers never turn you down. I have been rejected by more women in my dreams than women in my wakey-wakey times. Of course, the women in my dreams are usually not Irish, so maybe that’s why satisfaction is NOT guaranteed. Maybe I should move someplace where there are more Irish women. Could I please come to Boston?
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