102: You Turned the Tap Dance Into Your Crusade

102. "Pressure" by Billy Joel {#20; 9/82} [iTunes? Yes.] {Video: Pressure!}

"You turned the tap dance into your crusade."
"What does it mean?"
"I'll tell you what it means..."
(Actually, I have no idea what it means.)

Seriously, what does it mean to turn the tap dance into your crusade? I don't know. I don't understand. Enlighten me.

Obviously, this is a great song, although it probably was a bit of a disappointment at the time. This was the first release off of Billy's first studio album of new material after the smash success of "Glass Houses." And it only made it to #20 on the charts. Some people say "The Nylon Curtain" is one of Billy Joel's worst albums. I disagree. I think it is pretty good and still holds up today. But, that's the problem when you put out an album as great as "Glass Houses." It's difficult to ever get something that great again.

One thing I don't like about this song is that, similar to "Piano Man," a chopped up, cut-down, shortened, edited version of the song exists. Not only does this bastardized version of the song exist, but Billy actually had the audacity to put the chopped version on his "Greatest Hits" album! Blasphemy! Of course, I prefer the full, complete version of the song.

[NOTE: I went to look for proof of this assertion, but ran into trouble. I thought I had both versions of "Pressure" on my iTunes, but could only find the full version. (I probably deleted the edited version in a fit of rage years ago.) Then I tried to find the shortened version on the iTunes store, to no avail. Flummoxed, I then turned where all good, knowledge-seeking people look for accurate facts. According to our omniscient-ish friends at Wikipedia, the edited version chops one minute and twenty four seconds off of the song, cutting it from 4:40 to 3:16. They also say that only the first pressing of "Billy Joel's Greatest Hits Volume 1 and 2" contains the edited version. Subsequent releases had the full album version.]

Now it's time for the Top 4 Cultural References in the song "Pressure" by Billy Joel:

4. Time Magazine

I read it, too? (No, I don't.) 

Strangely enough, I've never really had the time to read Time magazine. I used to have time for Entertainment Weekly, Sports Illustrated, TV Guide, and Wired, but now I don't have any time for any of them, either. This is what happens when you have a full-time job and are a full-time dad. (Also, with my bizarre work schedule, any time I sit still for ten minutes I fall asleep.)

(While I'm here, what's the big deal about Benedict Cumberbatch? Why is he so famous and successful? I'll tell you why: he has a really cool name! That's it. That's the only reason. Is he handsome? No, not particularly. Is he a great actor? Not any more so than thousands of other aspiring thespians. No, 89% of the reason why Benedict Cumberbatch is famous and successful is because his name is "Benedict Cumberbatch." If his name were something more common, like, say "Martin Freeman," he would be just another unknown struggling actor.)

3. Channel 13

Probably not the Channel 13 Billy Joel was thinking of.

When I think of Channel 13, I think of FOX 13, the local affiliate of the FOX network here in Utah. And when I think of FOX 13, even though I haven't seen a new episode in six or seven years, I think of The Simpsons. (I don't even watch the reruns, either. I don't want my kids to get naughty-ish ideas from Bart, idealistic-ish ideas from Lisa, or binky-ish ideas from Maggie.)

2. Peter Pan

Captain Hook could definitely use some Peter Pan advice.

Once upon a time, my family and I visited a friend who lived in Rexburg, Idaho. That friend showed my kids the very politically incorrect Disney video of Peter Pan. It seemed innocent enough at the time. Little did we know our daughter would fixate on the villainy of Captain Hook.

Captain Hook would become one of her favorite imaginary friends. She would play with him, talk to him, and occasionally try to reform him. He also helped her come up with one of her first jokes: "What would happen if Captain Hook lost his other hand? He'd be Captain Two Hooks!" (She may or may not have a future in comedy.)

1. Sesame Street

Can you tell me how to get there?

I have two young kids. I have watched a lot of Sesame Street. It's changed a bit since I was a kid. It's way too Elmo-centric these days. But that's okay. There's still enough Cookie Monster to make it good.  And I can't get too much of Oscar the Grouch. And fun-loving Ernie and sourpuss Bert. And Grover is always good for some comic relief. (That said, I never really got the appeal of Big Bird.)

And, beside being educational, the show can also still at times be pretty funny. Here's one of my favorite skits: Celebrity Lullabies with Ricky Gervais.

COMING UP NEXT: Australian astronomy?