Joey Scarbury: Definitely Believable

 "The Greatest American Hero" was a delightful television show. It had a lot going for it: a cool, original premise; a grumpy sidekick; a beautiful, no-nonsense girlfriend; and a phenomenal blonde afro! But that's not all--it also had a fantastic theme song. 

Mike Post composed the theme song to "The Greatest American Hero." That's no surprise, because Mike Post wrote or co-wrote a plethora of great American television theme songs, from "The Rockford Files," to "Magnum, P.I.," to "Hill Street Blues," to "Law & Order." 

Most of those songs were instrumentals, but for "The Greatest American Hero," Post's cohort Stephen Geyer busted out some lyrics, too. I don't know why Mike or Stephen didn't sing the song themselves, maybe they don't have good singing voices; maybe they owed somebody a favor; maybe Mike was too busy writing the theme song for "The A-Team" with his usual writing partner, Pete Carpenter. For whatever reason, the chore of singing the theme to "The Greatest American Hero" went to Joey Scarbury. And he did a great job with it.

You will believe a dude with a blonde afro can fly! (Unless you're the two unimpressed girls with similar hairdos from this absolutely odd video.)

The song flew up the charts, peaking for two weeks at #2 on the Hot 100, kept out of the top spot only by the "Endless Love" of the record buying public for the music of Diana Ross and Lionel Richie. It's an excellent song--upbeat, optimistic, and sing-alongable. 

Unfortunately, Joey's follow-up attempt was not upbeat, optimistic, or sing-alongable. Or good. "When She Dances" is a song about a woman who is completely plain, unnoticeable, and non-descript--except for when she is dancing. The song has a bit of a country feel to it. It almost sounds like a song Ronnie Milsap would record as a b-side, only to leave off the album because it's not quite good enough. "When She Dances" did manage to inch its way up to #49 on the Billboard Charts in late 1981, but no one has given the song a single thought since.

To be fair, Joey does hit a pretty impressive note at around the 2:30 mark, but other than that....

You might be thinking, well, what Joey Scarbury needed to strike lightning twice and get another hit would be to team up with Mike Post and Stephen Geyer again. Except he did team up with them again, and the result was the worst television theme song in the history of television theme songs!

In September of 1983 the television show Hardcastle and McCormick, about a retired judge and his ex-con buddy tracking down criminals, premiered. It featured a hard-rocking theme song, "Drive," written by Post and Geyer, and sung by a man named David Morgan. It was an excellent theme song. But then, for some unknown reason, the start of the second season featured a different theme song, "Back to Back," which was also written by Post and Geyer, but this time sung by Joey Scarbury. 

Compared to "Drive," Scarbury's "Back to Back" was a snoozefest. Fans of the show complained loudly enough that by the 13th episode of the second season, "Back to Back" was removed and replaced again by the rightful theme song, "Drive."

Really, which show would you rather watch? This one:

Drive!

Or, this one:

Snooze.

There is a reason the public demanded to have the first song back again.

After the Hardcastle and McCormick debacle, Joey Scarbury's next highlight was being the co-lead singer for the song "It's Flashbeagle" from the It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown television special. Do you think I'm making that up? I assure you, I am not.

Who wore it better, Snoopy or Jennifer Beals?

VERDICT: Believe it or not, while he had a well-earned, long career as a talented session singer, Joey Scarbury is deservedly a one-hit wonder.

Eiffel 65: Da Ba De, Da Ba Don't

 Sometimes a song comes along that demands to be heard because the lyrics are so insightful and thought-provoking that they can't be ignored. "Blue" by Eiffel 65 is not one of those songs.

What color was that again?

No, what Eiffel 65 did with "Blue" is they found a great dance beat and topped it off by saying the word "blue" about a gazillion times. (30 times, to be exact.) (And yes, 30 is much closer to a gazillion than you had previously thought.) And then, they finished it off with the nonsense lyrics "da ba de" repeated ad nauseam. 

And there's nothing wrong with that. This formula led to a song that reached all the way to #6 on the Billboard charts in the United States, and is instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever heard it more than once. 

The problem comes when trying to replicate that formula. "Da ba de" lyrics are fine once, but that's not a well that can be dipped in again. So, with nonsense lyrics off the table, Eiffel 65 decided to try the next best thing: repetition, repetition, repetition!

The follow-up to "Blue" was called "Move Your Body." If you thought the usage of the word "blue" was excessive in "Blue," you'll be driven mind-numbingly mad by the sheer number of times the word "body" is used in "Move Your Body." (I started to count how many times it was used, but I gave up because my brain started to hurt.)

Wonder Triplet powers: Activate!

 "Move Your Body" turned out to be a huge hit--in some parts of the world. It reached #1 in Austria, Denmark, France, Italy, and Spain. (Proving, once again, that Austria, Denmark, France, Italy, and Spain are not perfect.) The song, however, did not crack the Billboard Hot 100 in the United States. (Proving, once again, that I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free.) (The song did reach #36 on something called the American Contemporary Hit Radio Chart, proving, once again, that if you make enough lists, everything will eventually be on at least one of them.)

VERDICT: Despite what the Austrians, Danes, French, Italians, and Spaniards think, "Move Your Body" is a horrible song. Eiffel 65 deserves to be a one-hit wonder.

Before I leave Eiffel 65, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that the little blue alien from the videos has a name: Zorotl. [WARNING: Prolonged exposure to Zorotl may result in heart palpitations, diarrhea, and skin discoloration. Stay away from Zorotl if you are allergic to Zorotl. Before dancing with Zorotl, please consult your physician.]