92: Carrying Pictures of Chairman Mao

92. "Revolution" by the Beatles {#12; 9/68} [iTunes? Yes.] {Video: Revolution. (It's a good try, but the lip movements and the actual singing are just a bit off.)}

The Beatles. They were kind of a big thing. More than a little bit influential. And, pretty darn good.

This song has a lot of big selling points:
* A great, driving, guitar opening.
* The repeated jarring falsetto of "Don't you know it's gonna be."
* More times repeating "all right, all right, all right," than this side of a Matthew McConaughey impersonator convention.
* Lots and lots of patented Beatles screams. (Not actually patented.)
* And, one of the greatest lines in the history of rock and roll:

         "If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't gonna make it with anyone, anyhow."

Do NOT carry this around!

And you know, to be honest, things did start to pick up for me when I finally took that picture of Chairman Mao out of my wallet on my 40th birthday.

(Actually, when I wrote the two chapters of my book that I didn't have a plot for, one of the ideas I had was that the aging, single protagonist of the story had a friend who was always planting pictures of Chairman Mao in his clothing, wallet, possessions and property as a way of razzing him for still being single. It was a decent idea that could have been milked for some humor. It's too bad I didn't have an actual plot for the story.)

COMING UP NEXT: Is that you, Mr. Whipple?

93: Feeling Like a Stumbling Fool

93. "You're Only Human (Second Wind)" by Billy Joel {#9; 7/85} [iTunes? Yes.] {Video: You're Only Human. Things we know about George Young: He's good at climbing bridges. He has a cute blonde girlfriend. He is easily distracted. He is a bad driver. He needs a new wallet. He's from the Class of '88. He's very good at catching harmonicas. He really likes blue jean vests.

(Me, I've never really understood vests. Unless it's bulletproof or part of a three-piece suit, I don't see the purpose.) (One more exception: my father-in-law uses the many pockets of his vest to smuggle contraband into Disneyland. They'll search your diaper bag, but they won't look at the vest.)

(And, in the "Things I Learned From the Interwebs" Files, the actor who played the drowning nerd with thick glasses would later go on to fame as Adam Savage, one of the hosts of the popular-ish television program Mythbusters.)}

This song was released on July 1, 1985, about two weeks before I reported to the MTC for the beginning of my two-year Mormon mission. So, since I wasn't going to be able to listen to the song for two years, I listened to it pretty much non-stop for those two weeks. (I imagine it would have been pretty difficult to be a huge Billy Joel fan and know that he came out with a new song right at the same time as a two-year departure to a strange, foreign land. I'm sure I had pity for someone in that situation while I listened to the song for the 423rd time.)

Obviously, the song also has a very good message. Over the years, I've had different periods where I fought with depression. I don't think I ever had really bad, clinical depression, more likely just the blues, doldrums, and the feel-sorry-for-myselfs. But, I never, ever got close to the point of thinking about suicide. I guess I'm the kind of guy who wants to watch the show all the way to the end, even if it's a crappy show. (Which explains why I didn't walk out of the theater during Modern Problems, possibly the worst Chevy Chase movie ever. (And that's saying a lot!))

(This, of course, is not to make light of those who have actually suffered from real depression. Never having really had it, I can't fathom how it can control people's lives. I'm just glad that my own personal funks never reached those depths.)
(Also, I think "My Own Personal Funks" would be a good album title.)

Anywho, I'd like to thank Billy Joel for making a great anti-suicide song. (And for doing so without multiple usage of the word, "damn.")

COMING UP NEXT: 45 or 33 and a third?

94: Floating In a Most Peculiar Way

94. "Space Oddity" by David Bowie {#124 in 1969, then #15; 1/73} [iTunes? Yes.] {Video: Not exactly. But there is this oddity: Space Oddity.}

"Ground control to Major Tom."

Adam Sandler has made some great movies. Really. Of course, Adam Sandler has also made a lot of pretty forgettable movies. One such movie was Mr. Deeds. I saw Mr. Deeds in the theater. I can only remember four things about this movie:
     1) Winona Ryder played Sandler's love interest.
     2) The bad guy kept getting hit with tennis balls.
     3) One of Sandler's friends had some kind of weird, inexplicable foot fetish.
     D) There was a scene on an airplane with a big sing-along to "Space Oddity."

This song has a science fictiony vibe to it. (I like science fiction.) It also has a bit of that "dentist's gas" feel. ("I'm floating in a most peculiar way.")

And, although this song first charted in 1969 and was a Top 20 hit in 1973, I wasn't familiar with it until 1990 when I got "ChangesBowie: David Bowie's Greatest Hits" as one of my Columbia House cassette tape choices. I feel bad that I missed out on all those years of enjoying its spaced out goodness.

This is my favorite David Bowie song. Here's a quick list of my next favorite Bowie songs:

2. "Ziggy Stardust"--Great guitar riff.
3. "Modern Love"--Excellent concert video: Modern Love. (Not many people can rock a yellow suit.)
4. "Let's Dance"--Without a doubt the best song to sing using an Elmer Fudd voice.
5. "Fame"--The first Bowie song I knew.
6. "China Girl"--Sung by Drew Barrymore in The Wedding Singer. (See, I told you Adam Sandler made some great movies!)

(And, in regards to "Space Oddity" I can tell you this: If there's a better song about an astronaut named "Tom" who happens to be a major…well, I'd like to hear that song!)

COMING UP NEXT: Good advice from a man who's made mistakes.

95: Who Is That Woman, Anyway?

95. "Information" by Dave Edmunds [iTunes? Yes] {Video: Information. I had never seen this video before. Upon seeing it, I'm reminded of the old "If They Mated" segment on Conan O'Brien's show. In this video, Dave Edmunds looks like a cross between Joe Piscopo and Bryan Adams. (With maybe just a dash of Huey Lewis thrown in for good measure.)}

Ah, Dave Edmunds! Yes, back in the old high school days (and high school nights) I used to suffer with what I called the "Dave Edmunds Mood." This was the love-sick, heart-sick, unrequited-lovedness feeling that would swarm over me. Mostly concerning one specific girl that I had a big crush on during those high school years. (An account of my first date with this girl can be found here: Gawkward Date with the Mystery Girl.) (Maybe you are familiar with the story.)

Dave Edmunds put out a couple of albums in 1983 and 1984 that were wholly or partially produced by Jeff Lynne of the Electric Light Orchestra. Being a big ELO fan, this got my attention. So, I bought both of these albums, "Information," and "Riff Raff." "Slipping Away," the first song off of "Information," made the Top 40, but the second release off the album "Information," which was the song "Information," didn't make a dent on the charts. It's too bad, because it's an awesome song.

Why did I call those love-sick times "Dave Edmunds Moods?" Well, it's because on those two albums there was a plethora of unrequited, love-sick, heartbreak songs, like "Information," "I Want You Bad," "SOS," "Busted Loose," "Something About You," "Steel Claw," "How Could I Be So Wrong," "What Have I Got to Do to Win," and "The Watch On My Wrist."

Any, most, or all of those songs would keep me in that love-sick funk, and that's really what I wanted, isn't it? I certainly didn't want to actually do anything about my unrequitedness, because if I actually put myself out there, I might get hurt. So, instead of doing anything, I sat back and festered in the self-pity pool of my Dave Edmunds Moods. (I've always been fine with soaking in the pools. That's what happens when you grow up near Lava Hot Springs. And don't know how to swim.)

COMING UP NEXT: Astronauts! (In space!)

96: Smell the Desperation

96. "Overkill" by Men At Work {#3; 4/83} [iTunes? Yes] {Video: Overkill.}

Wow, I didn't realize how much I liked Men At Work until I started writing up this list. Off of only two albums (that I'm familiar with) they got four songs on the HondoJoe Top 200. That's as many as Styx and Journey…combined. It's as many as The Cars, Journey, Tom Petty and Weezer combined. That's a pretty good showing for Colin Hay and his mates.

But, this is the last time we'll be hearing from Men At Work on the list. Wait, where's "Down Under," you ask? It's probably the most well-known song by Men At Work, and was their biggest hit. Which is probably why it's not on the list. It's a little too popular. And I usually prefer a blaring saxophone to a flute.

That's not to say I don't like "Down Under." I do. Just not as much as the other songs on the list. (If I were making a list of best songs to feature the word "vegemite," it would definitely be at the top of that list.)

Why do I like "Overkill" so much? I'm not sure. It's a good sing-along song, at least up until the last verse when Colin goes up a key or two and starts singing notes too high for me to reach.

Perhaps another reason I like this song so much are the goats. I'm not sure why, but every time he sings "Ghosts appear and fade away," I change it to "Goats appear and fade away." I don't know why I do this, but I do it every time, and it never ceases to amuse me. Apparently, goats are funnier than ghosts.

COMING UP NEXT: Dial "0."

97: Just Nod If You Can Hear Me

97. "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd [iTunes? Yes] {Official Video: nope}

I've never been high. I've never smoked the weed, danced with Mary Jane, passed the Dutchie, grabbed the ganja, purchased legal pharmaceuticals in Colorado, or whatever it is the kids are calling it these days.

The three time I came closest? A) I was offered something that was being passed around between my cousins in Virginia while there on a visit. 2) A second-hand high from breathing the tainted air in our nosebleed seats at the Mini-Dome for the Journey/Bryan Adams concert. And, 3) Getting the gas at the dentist.

That said, there is a certain type of song that I really, really like. It's the kind of song that I think I would enjoy even more if I actually did get high. These are songs that bring to mind the flying, floating, dreamy, not-a-care, dare I say numb feeling from the dentist's gas.

"Comfortably Numb" is one of those songs.

It's got that tripping-on-the-dentist's-gas kind of feel to it. A floaty, flying, feel. (There are going to be a lot more of these "dentist's gas" songs on the list from here on out. Just sayin'.)

This song should really be higher on this list, but it's got a serious problem. It's got the super-long-guitar-solo-fade-out problem.

"Comfortably Numb" lasts for six minutes and twenty-four seconds. The last time a human voice is heard is at the 4:25 mark of the song. That means the last 1:59 of the song is taken up entirely by the super-long-guitar-solo-fade-out. That is much too long for a guitar-solo-fade-out. (In my opinion, anything longer than 30 seconds is too long for a guitar-solo-fade-out.)

This is not to say that I hate all long fade-outs. I'm actually a very big fan of a long "na-na" or "la-la" fade out. Songs like "Hey Jude," "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'," "Don't You Forget About Me," and "Centerfold" have awesome super-long-na-na-fade-outs. In those cases, I'm all for the long-fade-out!

But, there's something about instrumental long-fade-outs that annoy me. Instead of saying, "Hey, sing 'na-na' with me for a while," they seem to be saying, "And now you will listen to how wonderful I am with my musical instrument for a while." Condescending pretension.

The worst culprit of the way-too-long-fade-out genre? "Layla" by Eric Clapton. After the lyrics end it goes on forever and ever. "Hotel California" by the Eagles is another serious offender. It goes to show how much I love the first four and a half minutes of "Comfortably Numb" that I am able to look past this major problem and rank it so high on the HondoJoe Top 200 list.

COMING UP NEXT: Why don't we all f-f-f-fade away?

98: Smell the Cat Food In Your Bank Account

98. "Don't Let's Start" by They Might Be Giants [iTunes? Yes.] {Video: Don't Let's Start.}

This song introduced the band known as They Might Be Giants to much of the world. Not me. This song came out in 1986, and at that time I was living the life of pernicious asceticism as a Mormon missionary in wild, wonderful West Virginia.

(That's not to say I didn't hear any new songs while I was on my mission, just not this one because it wasn't a big enough of a hit. I did hear other songs from that time frame, like "Higher Love" by Steve Winwood, although because I was only hearing bits and pieces of the song in stores, on the street, or at people's houses, I thought the lyrics were "bake me a pie of love." Similarly, I heard "Hip To Be Square" by Huey Lewis and thought it was "Fit To Be Squared.")

As such, I didn't actually "discover" They Might Be Giants until their hit "Istanbul" in 1990. But, I liked them so much then that I went back and bought their earlier albums, which included this great song.

When most people think of They Might Be Giants, words like "fun," "quirky," "nice," and "happy" are often used. That "fun" can be seen in lyrics from this song like:

"When you are alone you are the cat, you are the phone, you are an animal. The words I'm saying now mean nothing more than "meow" to an animal. Wake up and smell the cat food in your bank account. And don't try to stop the tail that wags the hound."

Fun, right?

And then there's more "fun" lyrics like:

"No one in the world ever gets what they want, and that is beautiful. Everybody dies frustrated and sad, and that is beautiful."

Wait….was that "fun?"

How about:

"I don't want to live in this world anymore. I don't want to live in this world."

Ummmmm…. Okay, maybe they aren't "fun" all the time. But they're still quirky, right?

Nice hats.     THANKS!

Yup. Quirky.

COMING UP NEXT: A trip to the dentist.