145: I'm Not As Ugly, Sad As You

145. "Inside Out" by Eve 6 {#28; 12/98} [iTunes? Yes] [YouTube video: Inside Out.]

Hey, it's another song from my trying to stay "hip" and "with it" era of the 1990s. You may have noticed that the higher we get in the HondoJoe Top 200, the fewer "hip" and "with it" songs we get and the more "wheelhouse" songs we have. That trend will be even more pronounced the higher we get in the list.

This is an excellent "sing-along" song. "Want to put my tender heart in a blender. Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion. Rendezvous then I'm through with you."

Eve 6 had another couple of songs that got some radio play. "Promise" and "Here's to the Night" are both pretty good songs. And, there's an album cut from this album that is an awesome driving and/or workout song called "Open Road Song." (It's yet another of those "just missed out on the Top 200" songs.)

[Also, I've decided, where possible, I'll be linking to the "official" YouTube video for each song as I post them.]

COMING UP NEXT: Where did you go?

146: Her Lipstick Reflex

146. "Freeze Frame" by J. Geils Band {#4; 2/82} [iTunes? Yes]

I like me a good organ every now and then. And this song gives you that constant, unrelenting, driving, repetitive organ riff. (Sure, it's probably just a synthesizer, but it sounds like an organ.)

I also like me a good scream in a song every now and then, and this song has an excellent scream toward the end.

I watched the video for this song. It's pretty stupid and unremarkable. (Here's a link: Freeze Frame.) Upon watching the video I came away thinking, dang, that is an ugly band. When you can describe someone as looking kinda like Rik Ocasik, but not quite as handsome, that's not a good thing.

(And look, it's another "wheelhouse" song from early in 1982! It was a very good year.)

COMING UP NEXT: Be careful what you put in your blender.

147: Do I Repulse You With My Queasy Smile?

147. "Grace Kelly" by Mika [iTunes? Yes] {It may have charted, but my book only goes up to 2006, and that's when this song came out.}

His name is Mika. He lives on the second floor. He lives upstairs from you. Yes, I think you've heard him before. (Why? Because he sounds just like Freddie Mercury.)

If Freddie Mercury were alive in 2006 and had come out with a solo album, it would have sounded an awful lot like this. (Maybe. Who knows, maybe Freddie would have released an album of Don Ho covers. It's hard to tell with Freddie.)

I bought Mika's album, and besides "Grace Kelly," the song "Love Today" is also outstanding. There are several other songs which are also very good. I then bought his next album, and it wasn't nearly as good. I don't know if he's put anything else out after that or not. (I guess I could look it up, but I'm too lazy.)

It also helps the ratings of this song that The Wife also likes it a lot, and we sing along together when we hear it.

COMING UP NEXT: How do you like your organ?

148: I Tried My Imagination (But I Was Disturbed)

148. "867-5309/Jenny" by Tommy Tutone {#4; 1/82} [iTunes? Yes]
"You don't know me, but you make me so happy."

This song gets a big boost from being a "wheelhouse" song (shout out to 1982!) and for its sing-along-ability. Not only is it fun to sing along with, it's fun to sing along using other voices. This is a great song to sing using the "Patrick Stewart" voice. Heck, a Jimmy Stewart voice would be fun, too. And, even more appropriate, a Forrest Gump voice would work, as well. ("Jenny? Jenny? Who can I turn to?")

Did you know that Tommy Tutone was a group, not just some guy? I didn't. Now I do.

I'm glad the guys from Tommy Tutone were able to get this song out before the lawyers got their hands on it. Why? Because "555-5309" just wouldn't have been as fun of a song.

And, for some reason, the idea of getting a girl's number from the bathroom wall reminds me of the show Happy Days. And anything that brings to mind The Fonz, Potsie, and Ralph Malph has to be pretty good, right? (How many shows have actually featured a bathroom as one of their regular sets?)

COMING UP NEXT: Not Freddie Mercury! (Just a reasonable facsimile.)

149: The Sweet Green Icing

149. "MacArthur Park" by Richard Harris {#2; 5/68} [iTunes? Yes]
Once more for emphasis: Richard Marx? No. Richard Harris? Yes. (Sorry about that.)

Actually, it doesn't really matter who sings this song, because the lyrics are the star of the show. Sure, the fact that the "singer" is a hammy British actor who would go on to play Dumbledore is just, dare I say it, icing on the cake. (Mmmm......sweet, green icing!) Donna Summer took the song to #1 in 1978, and even the Disco Queen couldn't outshine the lyrics.

Ah, those lyrics! "MacArthur Park is melting in the dark, all that sweet green icing flowing down. Someone left a cake out in the rain. I don't think that I can take it, 'cause it took so long to bake it. And I'll never have that recipe again! Oh no!"

I have no idea what this picture means. I also have no idea what those lyrics mean.

What can be said about those lyrics that hasn't already been said? In his Book of Bad Songs, Dave Barry called it the worst song with the worst lyrics of all time. Who am I to argue with Dave Barry?

I guess the bottom line is: if it is raining, or if there is any chance that it might rain, DON'T TAKE THE CAKE OUTSIDE!!! (Seems like common sense to me.)

COMING UP NEXT: A dime doesn't buy as much as it used to.

150: Save Me Darlin'

150. "Far From Over" by Frank Stallone {#10; 7/83} [iTunes? Yes]
Frank Stallone.

Frank Stallone?

Yes, Frank Stallone!!!

There is no Elton John in the HondoJoe Top 200, but there is Frank Stallone! No Hall and Oates, no Huey Lewis, no Boston, no Kansas, no Outfield, no Chilliwack, but, yes, Frank Stallone.

Once more for emphasis:
Frank Sinatra? No.
Frank Stallone? Yes!

(Joey Travolta must be kicking himself in the face!)

Of course, Frank Stallone can thank Martin Short and Harry Shearer for being on this list. Because, this song brings to mind one of the greatest video shorts in the storied history of Saturday Night Live. (Long before Andy Samberg began to "Lazy Sunday" his way into America's hearts.)

"I'm not a strong swimmer."

A link to the "men's synchronized swimming" clip is here: Synchronized Swimming on SNL. My two favorite lines are, "I'm not a strong swimmer." And, "You're not angry at him. You're just pointing at him."

COMING UP NEXT: Mmmm.....cake!

151: Can't Play the Harmonica

151. "Veronica" by Mary Kai [iTunes? Yes]
There's been a lot of talk about this next song. Perhaps too much talk. This is not a rebel song. This is a song about a pig. A sad little pig. And her name is Veronica.

Yes, this is a children's song. It has been sung at our house quite often, especially the opening line: "Hey, Veronica, why are you so sad?"

And here's something I noticed when I had a daughter, named her Veronica, then did an iTunes search for songs with "Veronica" in the title. The vast majority of songs that have the name Veronica somewhere in the lyrics attempt, at some point, to rhyme "Veronica" with "harmonica."

(Special shout out to Elvis Costello for bucking that trend.)

COMING UP NEXT: Let's be Frank.

152: Everybody Had Matching Towels

152. "Rock Lobster" by the B-52's {#56; 4/80} [iTunes? Yes]

It wasn't a rock.

You've got to like the B-52's, right?

Lobster

I'm not sure why, but at some point I came to the decision that only one song by the B-52's could make the HondoJoe Top 200. So, that meant a showdown between "Love Shack" and "Rock Lobster." (Sorry, "Private Idaho." You are great, too, but you get the bronze medal in this race.)

Both songs are excellent. "Love Shack" has the very best line to sing in an exaggerated Fred Schneider voice: "I've got me a Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail!!!"

But, "Rock Lobster" has matching towels and the great dog fish, catfish, piranha bit.

Ultimately, I think it came down to the historical significance of "Rock Lobster." I remember when I first heard "Rock Lobster." My reaction was similar to the Steve Martin/Bill Murray skit on Saturday Night Live where they stood on the stage repeatedly saying "What the hell is that thing?" for about five minutes. My initial reaction to "Rock Lobster" was: "What the heck is that song?" It was just so different than anything I had ever heard before. 

And so, the winner is "Rock Lobster." (So hurry up, and bring your juke box money!)

COMING UP NEXT: Not many words rhyme with "harmonica."

153: I Hear Your Name In Certain Circles

153. "Missing You" by John Waite {#1; 6/84} [iTunes? Yes]
Do you know how desperate I've become? No. No, you don't know how desperate I've become. Especially when I'm always catching my breath in certain circles. (Just what are those "certain circles," anyway?)

This is an excellent "wheelhouse" song. (Ah, 1984!) But, thanks to a blip in programming by the fine folks at Apple, this song almost didn't make the HondoJoe Top 200. When I first went through my iTunes list to whittle down the list of songs to 200, I searched through my music collection by artists, going from A to Z. I had a preliminary Top 200 complete, and then I heard this song on the radio. And then I thought, "Wait a minute, I don't think that song is in my Top 200, is it?" I looked, and it wasn't.

So, I looked for the song under "John," because iTunes foolishly thinks everyone's names should be alphabetically listed by the first name. It wasn't there. I looked under "Waite," just in case my iTunes finally decided to alphabetize by last name like the rest of civilized society. Nope, not there. So, I then looked for "Missing You" under the "Song" category, and there it was.

I discovered that some of the songs from "Various Artist" cds were not listed by artist under the "Artist" heading. Very annoying. So, in order to be a completist I then had to go to the "Song" listings and go through every darn song in my entire iTunes collection to make sure I didn't miss any more. (I had. "She's a Beauty" and "Favourite Shirts (Boy Meets Girl)" were unearthed through that search.)

Why am I bringing this up? Two reasons: A) To show that Apple and iTunes are far from perfect. And 2) Because I like to whine.

COMING UP NEXT: Caught between a rock and a hard place.